Sinners must live with what their sins sow
by Kayleb Rae Candrilli
After Hernan Bas’ The Garden Always Looked Different at Night
During my assault, I imagine I choked
up blueish tulips and someone else’s hands—
but the only thing I can conjure
in detail is the wiccan spell of protection
and my mother’s recipe for wisteria.
In this life, I have grown
accustomed to rape and the need
to keep my body
a greenhouse for all
carnivorous things.
Remember: A mouth feels like it has many teeth
only when it closes.
Remember: I have built a flower
bed from a bruised
trachea, and that is only the start
of my industriousness. My skin can smell
deer pillaging the garden. My throat has turned
itself to top soil. Forget me-
nots never stop spilling
from my neck.
my shadow looks more like a man than i do, so i am both fearful and envious
After Hernan Bas’ Tracing Shadoes (or The Mistaken silhouette)
when i say i’ve found it difficult to access joy
i mean when light or the lack of light
multiplies my shadow
i anticipate my murder.
my murder looks like me, but much more
blue, more dirt road after rain, more moth to flame.
the sun is an empty egg.
my body is barren.
another man on the street bares his teeth
and i have never been able to discern
anger from hunger—lava from
wind in my vein.
My horoscope is my future husband’s horoscope & we are both changing so quickly
>After Jennifer Jackson Berry
And after Hernan Bas’ River Crossing
With the Sun spotlighting our house
of family, it is time to send down
roots & seek belonging.
& belonging is the song
that plays between our legs
when our legs tangle, isn’t it?
Spring is the season to collect
ourselves—to fill our well
with something valuable, vial
of our blood oaths & perhaps
marriage. Only strong relationships
will survive & i refuse
metaphor only when fact
is more beautiful.
Fact:
I will hold your hand
& I will hold your hand steady.
Husband, nothing is holy
like self-construction.
Our fathers built staircases & we are bringing
sledgehammers to our bodies so gently
only we can hear this pleasure.
There is nowhere to go
but into one another.
We will be careful not to burn
the candle at both ends.
